Faithful Worried Mothers

I'm a mother. I have one birth child and three step children. I love them all. And I worry about them all. I am told all the time by well meaning people, "Just put them in God's hands." Do they think I don't do that? Do they think that I could function at all if I didn't? I don't suffer from a lack of faith, or a lack of knowing what to do. The scriptures are clear.
Matthew 6:25-33 tells us Jesus' feelings on the matter. "So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?' These things doninate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
Those words are just and true. They serve us well in life. I have all that I need. Yet, clothes and food and drink are trivial when compared to my children. But do my children have all that they need? Paul tells us not to worry, but to pray constantly. Those words comfort me more. So, when I get hit with worry, I am to live righteously, seek God's Kingdom above all else, and pray constantly. It's a bit of a Christian bait and switch, but usually it works.
There are those times, however, when my humanity gets the best of me, and all of my best efforts to follow Christ and focus on Him alone fail me. I worry about my Prodigal one, and I cry because I miss our close relationship and friendship. Am I not faithful enough? Maybe. Or maybe I'm just grieving. That's when God sends me a loving spouse, or a Christian friend, or a special reading in my devotions, or a Bible verse, or a random card in the mail, or a miracle I never saw coming. It never fails. I miss my child. Sometimes, it just hurts. Sometimes it hurts for awhile. But God always comes through with just what I need. And usually, I learn from the experience. I think it's okay to grieve. I think it's okay to slip a little from being perfect in faith. I think it's even healthy to admit to our worries and fears. And then to let God take over and do His thing. It doesn't show a lack of faith. It shows honesty and trust between me and my best friend, God.

Guerilla Love-fare

I would be silent now, Lord,
and expectant . . .
that I may receive
the gift I need,
so I may become
the gifts others need.
Ted Loder
I have this quote from his book Guerillas of Grace taped to my computer, so that as the clatter of my day grabs me and spins me around I will be reminded to stop and wait upon the Lord. I have learned through the years that silence is my best friend in ministry and in life.
Another of my favorite books is The Search for Silence by Elizabeth O'Connor. I read it in college back in the '70s, but I find myself revisiting it again and again through life's ages and stages. It still speaks to me, each time in a new and different way, of the power of silence to mold and shape me into the image of God as intended in my creation.
With so many devices of noise calling for my attention today - iPhone, iPad, land line, email, TV, iPod, cars, trains, etc. - it takes more and more effort to stop and listen for the only voice that matters - the voice of my creator. The voice that I choose to form me. The voice that has only my best interest at heart. The voice that proclaims in my baptism "This is my beloved." The voice that teaches me who I am and whose I am. The voice that leads me out of temptation and into grace. The voice that leads me through the wilderness into the promised land. The voice that reminds me of the promises when the wilderness looms large and frightening. I can only clearly hear THAT magnificent, eloquent, perfect voice when I LISTEN. And for me, that means shutting up, and being still, and staying in the silence.
I know it's corny, but another of my favorites is Josh Groban's interpretation of You Raise Me Up. I often listen to it on Sunday mornings to get me pumped before going to church to do my minister thing. Here's my favorite part:
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
Take time, be still, and wait. You never know when God himself will come and sit awhile with you.